I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
