I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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