the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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