We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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