Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
