My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just gargled with NyQuil
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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