If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
