i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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