Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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