i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm getting married
To pizza
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
