Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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