One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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