just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
