I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
