in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
