I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
