It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
