i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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