so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
