I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm passing your future prison.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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