She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We were destined to go to rehab together
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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