jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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