we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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