I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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