We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We are all done wearing pants today
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
