I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
