now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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