I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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