So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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