You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
