i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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