Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
