ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
