If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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