She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is the high leading the old right now
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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