you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
