I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
