The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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