My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
