i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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