remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
