the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
