Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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