arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i think im in europe. pls send help
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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