FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
