She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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