roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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