So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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