TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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