Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
