Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
