I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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