Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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