I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
