giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
