The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
